Professional tips for successful online dating

What is popular in a dating profile, what is a deterrent? What is well meant but not successful? Our author Jana supports singles daily in their search for the right partner. For or, she wrote down her experiences and tips

"What if I try even more?"

Often singles have the feeling that they just have to do more and in the end it makes the mass that ultimately leads them to the desired success. However, when it comes to online dating, this is a complete misconception. In order to attract attention and score points with others, you can take a more relaxed approach to the matter. Simply according to the motto "less is more".

The profile: show (not everything) what defines you

A well-filled profile looks more appealing at first glance than one where the viewer can count the words with one hand. However, a distinction should be made between “well filled out” in the sense of “overloaded” and “interesting in terms of content”. An overloaded profile is a challenge. It is quite tedious to filter out the really relevant things when you are overwhelmed by information. The complete curriculum vitae does not have to be presented on the presentation plate. There are too many aspects that the prospect is simply not (yet) interested in. And you may also seem a bit needy in communicating.

Because how should you approach someone like that? Where should one start? How should one set priorities? In addition, the more you reveal in your profile, the higher the chance that something will be misunderstood or classified as overly important.

Example: Marc has completely exhausted the information to be filled out in his online profile. He plays soccer, does kickboxing, runs around the city lake three times a week and is always busy anyway. He tells the reader about his entire everyday life (stress). What Anna thinks: “Oh my god, for him I have to be athletic, I have to be able to keep up. This is a size too big for me. ”And a message is not sent.

In order to avoid this - who knows, maybe Marc and Anna would have been the dream couple - the urge to move should be alluded to bit by bit and the pressure on the potential partner relieved: "I like doing sports, but you can always pull me onto the couch."

What can help here is a change of perspective. Asking yourself: What do I start with with other profiles? Which side of a member do I want to get to know? Which details shouldn't be discussed yet?

Singles should sit back and relax and not see their dating profile as a mirror-like self-image in which they are trying to create a perfect version of themselves.

News: Can bring joy but also put pressure

If you have to worry about long and detailed messages between work and everyday life, the joy of finding a partner can quickly evaporate and degenerate into stress. This is mainly due to the fact that many singles feel obliged to reply with an extensive message as well. But since you don't always feel like doing it or have your head free, an answer is postponed to the next day ... or the day after that. Until you finally get a “Why aren't you answering?” Message. So how do you best deal with this situation? Start learning flirting and become more confident.

For one approach, I distinguish between three types:

You're Type 1: who likes to send back long messages yourself: It's great that you two have so much to tell each other. But be careful, in the end, online dating is not a search for pen pals. The longer and more intensely you write with someone, the closer the bond becomes - this can hardly be avoided. If the chemistry is not right at the first meeting, the disappointment can be even greater.

You are type 2: The person seems interesting to you overall - but you find it rather annoying to write arias as long as your counterpart. Be honest. Let him / her know that you are busy with other things at the moment and prefer to exchange shorter messages (with perhaps less waiting time). Sitting out is not expedient for both parties. Perhaps the person thinks the same way and did so just to make a good impression.

You are type 3 who writes the long messages yourself: Has there been no response for a long time? Do you notice that your counterpart's answers are significantly shorter than yours? This is a clear sign that you are pulling back a little. Don't make the mistake of trying harder and sending an even longer message afterwards.

The contacts: Too many admirers and admirers

The complete opposite of the "long messages" type are people who have contact with a large number of people at the same time. In theory, a combination of both types is also possible - provided someone can find enough time. However, this tends not to be the case.

Too many parallel contacts can have a negative impact on your counterpart: Messages are usually answered carelessly and without obligation and the feeling spreads that somehow you are not making good progress here.

No wonder: someone trying to focus on 10 people at a time can get confused quickly. "Shit, was Mareike the one who likes to play tennis?", "Greta ... she has her cooking class on Wednesdays?", "Who was that again, to whom I have to wish good luck for his exam?" And the inquiries begin or scrolling wildly in the news area.

The call quality suffers enormously as a result. In the worst case, the single may not realize that he is already writing with the right person. Because if messages are only answered briefly or half-heartedly, a lot of things that might be decisive for gaining sympathy remain unspoken. Just talking about the weather has never brought a couple together successfully! But Mr. / Ms. Popular can't find time for deeper topics.

Not to mention the stress and pressure you put yourself under. It helps at this point to set a personal limit on the number of contacts. So the other person feels taken seriously and you can calmly check whether it fits. If not, there are certainly more matches waiting for you.

If things don't go the way you want them to, the first step is to rethink your own approach. It starts with personal expectations of yourself and others. My tip for a successful partner search: If I write a lot or put a lot of content in the news, it doesn't automatically make me more interesting. Also, the more conversations I have, the faster I can find a partner.